Last weekend I watched my daughter turn 18 years old. I remember how I was at that age. I was idealistic and I felt very grown-up. I was ready to change the world and help it forsake it's stupid ways in favor of a better plan. My plan.
You see, up to that point, everything that had been tried in history was borne of selfishness and greed, and there was no real truthfulness or altruism. I had the one true plan to correct thousands of years of pain and history and get humanity started on the right track to joy and peace.
A few years after that painful personal crusade, I was led to re-evaluate all that I held true, and settle on more attainable goals. Thankfully I'm not as tenacious as some, or I'd have gotten myself killed.
The upshot is this: There came a point when I just got too tired of fighting the same fight every day and I wanted some relief. I had to step back and re-evaluate my assumptions and change my life's focus. It wasn't the first time I had to do this, and it was not to be the last.
Today I find myself in another of those zones, and I know my life will be changing again. Next year at this time I'll have one daughter away at college, and the other getting ready to do the same in a few more years. The last 18 years of my life has been a focus on the strain of providing for a family in the midst of the dot-com bust and all the economic turmoil of the late 20th century.
Sooner than later, a time will arrive when the spawn (as we call them) will be self-sufficient enough to move out for good. My life's focus will change modes again. The constant struggle to keep the finances afloat will abate for a while until the medical bills of old age begin to set in.
All that is the rational explanation of what's going on in my life. What all that translates to in terms of feelings is this: I feel restless, and tired of my life. I dread waking up to face another day in the same fight that I have failed to win for many tiresome years.
I know the end of life as I know it is nigh, and I grow tired of managing all the same details over and over. I look forward to rest, and a respite from the workaday life. I don't hate my life, and I don't hate the kids who have consumed it for these many years, I am just a worn-out old cog in the machine. Let's get one of these young public-school educated, idealistic, energized, change-the-world, I-have-all-the-answers, boxers-hanging-out-of-his-jeans, baseball-cap-on-backwards, hapless morons to take my place. Let him grind away in my place for a few decades.
Who knows, maybe they will be the ones to change the world after all.
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80 comments:
Yes, life is futile.
Perfectly agree with you man.. though I am much younger than you, but its like responsibilities come to us sometimes inherently without us having to make any choices about it, and thats where you realise that is the way life comes and goes too!
The war of attrition between me and "everything else" is nearly over. The reprieves become shorter whilst the battles last ever longer. I am paper thin.
Life's problems do not resolve, they just mutate. It's sad and frustrating finding yourself against giant pressures such as inherited anxiety or family problems which I personally can't handle. I'm TIRED.
I am 24 and I just now starting to realize that all the books I read, movies I've seen and dreams I dreamt about saving the world, leaving a trace might all be an illusion. But them sometimes, a little glimpse of hope tells me that there are ppl out there that made a difference...life's a lottery but it's my choice whether to marry or not, have kids, save for retirement or just break lose and go save lifes in Africa. Life takes courage...do you have it? Or is it easier and more comfortable to slave away?
I'm tired. Very tired. I feel like I've done it all. And done it all before in previous lives. I don't want to be here anymore. Each day is much the same.
Nature is beautiful, it is the interactions with people that create the stress and desire to exit.
Life is awful.
I have suffered it for 57 years now and it just gets worse.
Nature is indeed beautiful but 90% of human beings are vermin.
We have no Future.......
disgust is what I feel! I left the plastic Los Angeles scene to move to the Bay area Oakland /SF Though I can appreciate the liberalisms of the bay area. I find the constant nagging of freakin homeless that lurk in front of stores everywhere Do you have any change? is the mantra of Oakland and these F*#@!kin useless people are making angry and disgruntled in my everyday life. Like hell I don't have a million things running through my mind. Like, my boss is a prick. My cars not running. Or that my monthly income just meets the bills and nothing else. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE OR ONE DAY YOU ONLY BE HOMELESS BUT YOU WILL BE LIFELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the homeless I have several ideas. Maybe when they ask for change we respond say NO "I should kill you just for asking!" and after awile they'll get scared and leave. OR we can carry CHAINS and when nthey ask for CHANGE we can act as if we misheard them and say What? CHAINS YEAH HERE AND THEN BEAT THEM INTO OBLIVION. Mind you I don't refer to the working bum collecting cans and stealing small random things. But, the ones who don't do shit but freakin BEG F@#ck them they can ROT and be purged from the earth. and they can take that lousy govenor too!
Life is catching up to everyone I'm only 36 yet I feel what some people are saying. Micheal Jackson is 49, Bob Hope, george Burns, Sammy Dean and frank Sinatra are gone, Ray Charles. My friends Gary and pete took the quick way out. though i miss them I think they may have been right! My uncles bud, paul, and warren my aunt evelyn My great grandma and my ex's father and grandmother all people who were in my life from the world at large and my friends gone, and my grandparents are holding on. all this death makes me realize My time is coming. And it may come earlier than expected because of health issues.
enjoy your time. sell your home travel, and then dive into the Grand Canyon if you have to die atleast experience something great rather than hooked to machine in a hospital bed. though many of us are barely making ends meet so diving early is always an option the best but an option.
being tired of life is common apparently. Work, relationships, Money. I tired of it I'm tired of everything the homeless Yes we all want to feed them but it is'nt gonna happen, I'm tired of the begging. I'm tired of rude people. I'm tired of not having money I'm tired of my roomates fighting. I'm tired of beautiful women who look at me like I'm going to mug them. I'm tired of BS movies where the dork and fat guy get the beautiful girls. It's all lies! I'm not saying it doesn't happen trust me mt roomate is one of them, but in genral these BS movies piss me off and make me deppressed. though the first 3/4's was funny. the ending just ruined the whole movie. i'm just tired of everything and i hate this funk thats why I found this page. some of you can be inspiring.
Yes i agree with "some yahhoo" economic turm-oil
Yet after a horrible recession of Bush senior, people still voted for his dumb ass son. Mythology based religions ruining are country and the world. They are screwing up our environment and our personal lives. I tired of the fairy tale Jesus would have not wanted any of this! the world is screwed and if there was a hell most American christians are going! according to their standards they try impose on us freedom loving Americans. Gods should be above Revenge, Murder and Pollution. Vengence is an earthly quality and should belong to me!
Yea alot is the same for me. I wish that at time of conception I was given a choice to be given life or pass it on to the next in line. But there is no choice. I didn't have a choice to be born in the USA. In first grade I was forced to say the pledge to the flag, No choice. I did not have a choice to have bad parents.
Its like I woke up one day and here i was in life. Life in a messed up american society. I did not choose this - I have never voted, I an a completely unwilling participent. i wouldn't pay taxes- but they force me to under duress of punishment. no choice. I have nothing but contempt for the legal un-justice system, the medical system is just for the rich.
Priest, cops, teachers doctors they are all creatures of a un human society. I equate human society with mold on a piece of bread. Think about it.
There is no reason for people to have to endure lifes hardships. It seems from local news more and more people are getting tired of it all.
It's a problem for all of us who have passed into mid or later life, and those others for whom, for one reason or another, it's just not working anymore.
Illusions fall away. It's anxiety, discomfort, depression and disorientation when there's nothing to take their place.
I don't have any better answers at this point than anyone else.
How about plain old Hedonism?!
Some days I wish I didnt have to wake up because I'm certain I don't belong on the planet. I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time & things never seem to go according to plan. Tired of the constant struggle, I feel like I just want to give up & rest..
But if I allow myself to look beyond my troubles, I can see beauty in simple things, attainable things..
Like the sound of a bird singing out in the yard, or the way the wind rustles the leaves in the trees, or the way a flower turns towards the sun to warm itself.. little things like that.. & suddenly I remember what I am.
I feel alive when I commune with nature. It all makes perfect sense
to me then.
The world is beautiful and the cycle of life is nothing short of miraculous.
Some days, when I wake up feeling like I wish I hadnt, I take the time to smell the roses & instead wind up feeling grateful.
Glad to be part of the magic.
I belong, oh yes, I belong.. & so do you.
I'm 23. While I can't profess to understand everything that everyone has said, I can say that I do identify with all of the emotions. Even at 23 I have started to realize that perhaps there is not a "one size fits all" answer to fixing the world's problems. I feel hopeless and frustrated. Sometimes I feel like it's all pointless. If nothing I do ever works, why do I even try? I'm confused and restless and... tired.
I really do want to make my life worth something. I thought I knew how, but I guess I was wrong. My "grand plan" may not be all it's cracked up to be, but perhaps I should just take it as it comes and look for opportunities to fix even the smallest of things as life goes by... or even just attempt some sort of fix... just do *something*... there must be *something* I can do...
So I have concluded that I may not be able to do everything, but I can do something. Whatever that is, I'll find it.
In the meantime, I'll be tired. I think that's okay. I'll be confused. Perhaps that will never go away. I'll be restless. Restlessness will lead to more frustration. Frustration will force me to find alternative ways of doing what I can to help someone, somewhere.
And then there will be a point after all.
hmmm....tired of life? Somedays I'm happy to be born. I'm positive and smile alot. Just not for myself but for others. Then some days it catches up with me. I call it "the static". People that are self centered, think about me, to busy to say "thank you", people that cut you off in traffic and give you the bird. It seems that I have difficulty during these times to say "no worried". I have Mother Theresa's "Words to Live by" on my door and I read it everyday.
Today was a bad day. I've had my real bad times just like everyone else and I've tried not to let those time break me. The older I get (41) the more I feel like I will be broken and not have the youthful postive outlook some would like. Am I strong enough to keep postive no matter what? I hope so....
I'm 25 and tired of life aswell. Some of you mentioned communing with Nature as a source of help and hope. Communing with Nature. Something I used to be able to do, back in highschool, when I was depressed, but could still FEEL Nature around me, the caress of a light spring breeze, a ray of sunshine on the wet grass, the smell of moss under a pine tree...
Now I cannot feel anything anymore. Rain, sunshine, clouds, blue sky, hot, cold, nothing affects me. Can't even smell anything, unless it's a very strong smell, like when walking into one of these candle stores that make you want to throw up.
I can't enjoy anything anymore. Days, weeks, years fly by without me noticing. It's all the same. Pointless. Blank. The only part of the day I look forward to is night time, when I get to leave everything behind and fall deep into sleep, and dream of another world, where everything is beautiful, where I can feel again, feel the beauty of landscapes, of everything that surrounds me.
I have no ambition. No strength. No will to move forward. The only reason I don't "jump of off Grand Canyon" is the knowledge that doing so would impact my parents's and my brother's lives too much. I don't want to be a cause of distress. They do care about me, though they live thousands of miles away. I am far enough not to be a burden to them, which is what I want. Erasing myself completely, on the other end, would just mess them up. I don't want that. And it hurts. Because I really can't take it anymore.
I just wish I could never wake up. Go to bed, fall asleep, and drift away. away. away.
I hate people. I hate this "society" thing, where we all have to do the same thing, and pretend, play the game. Make money to survive. Marry. Have kids. Buy a house. Plan retirement. Plan this, plan that. Struggle with this, struggle with that. Can't do it. I'm not meant for this. Never was. I'm not even interested. I wish I could turn into wind, and float away. away. away.
I can't make sense of life anymore... I'm not depressed or suicidal but I am tired of fighting. It seems that I overcome one hurdle and 2 more are thrown at me. I'm no quitter and I refuse to lay down, but at 36 I'm finding it harder and harder to drive forwards. I can't just exist in a mundane 9-5 existance. I may as well not be here in that case. So I strive to be the best that I can be... But it's grinding me into a pulp. I suppose I want to make a difference, and I know I have done in the last 10 years, but my internal desire to succeed is changing, due to a series of events last year, and I feel as though I am drifting. I can't seem to get going in life anymore...
Somedays I too see beauty in nature. On a long walk I will notice a tree or flower, or a rainbow in the sky when there is no rain. And then I feel that life is worthwhile and I feel happy for a short time. But generally life has turned out to be absolutely nothing that I expected it to be. I wonder if it will change again and I will find some purpose to being here. I really hope so.
I wish that nature utterly heals this melancholiness. Sadly, it does not....
Life is really a dragggg. Right now I feel really tired of this life. It never made any sense to me when I was younger. Now I am 41 years old yet it still doesn't make any sense. The only one reason that I have endured until now is the thought that all will be well if I pursue knowlegde. Damn!!! I stand corrected... I have pursued my tertiary education to the highest level but all is futile and meaningless!
It seems to me that life is all about struggling to make money, get married, have babies, grow old, and die. Through out all those periods, one needs to keep on struggling and fit into this extant community.
It is getting more and more difficult to fit in this insane community. Then again, maybe I am or we are the one that are insane because the multitudes are comfortable with how things are going?
Does communion in spiritual cultivation heals this emptiness inside? I am trying my best but it still does not work for me....
Religous scriptures reiterate that the purpose being born in a human body is spiritual cultivation. I envy others who have found their everlasting fountain of youth while still living on earth.
It will be good if natural death comes and embrace me soon. Come o sweet embrace of death. Hasten thy arrival. Let me be enshrouded in your embrace. Never to wake up again. Never ever again...
Bleh!
I have been there, and I completely undertsand, being a warn out cog myself. With the absence of hope there comes the grim realization that no matter what we do it ends up the same way and we end up growing old and dieing in a seemingly meaningless existance. I mean if this crock of crap is all there is, who really would want it? But if there is something we missed, something significant that can give us hope and a new realistic and meaningful take on life then dont we owe it to ourselves and our family to explore those possibilities? I have been learning some things that I never knew as I was growing up, despite thinking I had it all figured out. These things are huge, there are forces unseen to our eyes that have been governing the way history and the whether directly or undirectly are responsable for all the unspeakable atrocities through the ages. It seemed very unrealistic when I first started hearing it, but I decided to give the person who was telling me about this stuff a fair chance to prove their assertions before I debunk them. But after hearing the ENTIRE EXPLANATION I was unable to shake the logic and was myself forced to recognize it validity. But dont take my word for it, next time one of Jehovah's Witnesses stops by your door I DARE YOU to give them a chance to explain the Bible and how it fits into History and how it will affect the future. Alot of what you will hear will be totally contrary to popular belief but dont let that scare you, make them prove it, and if they do indeed prove it in a reasonable way. Then its up to you as to what you will do with that information. You dont have to convert to find out what they are saying, but if there is even a remote possibility that what they are saying is true, the honest person must conclude that they should at least hear them out COMPLETELY. Remember you can paint a whole new picture in 2 or 3 brush strokes so similarly if you are trying to find out the truth about a complicated matter you wouldnt just ready the suheadings and make decision.
Thats my challenge to anyone who was like me and was tired of life as we know it, and demand answers to why this workd is such a mess.
I too am sick and tired of my life. I wouldn't say Im depressed so much just utterly bored with my existance...I am not a creative person, I am not funny, I have virtually no personality, I hate having to interact with people, I am not good at anything that I try to do in life, I have no drive or ambition, I basically dont have a will to live anymore, anything that used to make me happy in life doesnt work anymore and I find myself looking for spurts of happiness anywhere I can find it. I feel like a prisoner of life and all the crap that goes with it and bottom line is Im just tired but most of all Im tired of hiding my feelings from everyone in order to portray a somewhat normal person. If there was any justice in this world then God would just let me die in my sleep and let me rest eternally.
I am also tired...I am tired of injustice...I work for free as a humanitarian because its my Calling, helping others in their needs,from homeless people to the very sick people who cannot even lift their hand to the poorest who cannot even buy a single meal for a day.I already used all my savings and funds in helping others..Then I see Rich people who don't do nothing to help..using all their Wealth and riches to hurt others.I know a Man who waste 40,000usd a night in gambling.I know He owns the money and has all the right to use it,But my point is why those people who don't want to help has all the time and money.while those people who love to help runs out of wealth.I'm just sad because I wanna help a lot more but I don't have the resources..I feel very sad but I don't want to get angry at the World or to my self or to God..I'm just tired of Injustice in this life..I don't know what to do...
I "Googled" the phrase "tired of life" and stumbled upon this post. There's a reason why I searched the phrase and it's due to the fact that I have been feeling a lot of the same emotions as many of those who have left their keystrokes upon this page. But as I read the other posts, I realized that there is comfort in knowing that I am not alone and you are not alone. I think we are all products of our society, which at this moment appears to a bit messed up. Consequently, I think we're all a bit messed up,... caught up in the pressures of daily life, the responsibilities that are a product of trying to "be responsible", and the fear of that which is unknown... that being our futures.
I found this quote just a moment ago (yes,another Google search);
I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace. - Dalai Lama
I hope it helps.
I know why I am tired of life.
It is because I cannot exercise my internal power without being knocked down by higher power.
I'll give you an example.
Last Saturday night I am walking on Broadway in New York City. This black derelict walks by me and tells me "excuse me, EXCUSE ME". I continue walking because that's the tenth time that day that some jobless black man has hit me up for money.
My igoring him enrages him and he yells out "FAGGOT!" as he walks on. Without thinking, I instantly turned around and yelled back, "YOUR MOTHER!"
He turns around. We are about fifteen feet away from each other on the sidewalk. He swings the can of beer in his hand producing a 12 foot arc of beer that doesn't wet me. Then he proceeds to confront face to face.
He's now up to my face and yelling, "what did say?!" I point at him and tell him that he started it. He gets closer. I raise my hands up to his chest and nudge him back. He says, "Don't touch me!"
Now I'm wondering what have I gotten myself into? But, I'm also not backing away. I stare right back at his face that is inches away while his ferocious face is spitting projectiles as he keeps up with, "you know how to fight?, you know how to fight?!"
The thought that came into my mind was that, no, i don't know how to fight. But I know how to kill. But honestly, I've spent a night in jail once which was one of the worst nights of my life. Actually, the worse. But I was waiting for him to throw the first punch so I could bash his f*cking head in the sidewalk.
Fortunately, he did not throw. He walked away. I think he might have been afraid. I wasn't.
Moments later I thought that it would have been fun to "live", that is, to kill that fucking man with my bare hands. I regretted that I didn't do it. Why? My intellect was controlled by the thought of the future of my action which was that some fucking liberal lawyer would have thrown the book at me so that he could get another "win" in his career and send me to jail on manslaughter charges for taking out a worthless piece of shit of a human being.
How can we live life when all the laws and regulations prevent us from acting out of righteousness?
Whoever this last person was, I think he' (and others like him) is the reason most of the other people here are fed up with it all.What gets me down is when people are "bad". Most people aren't but there seem to be an awful lot more in the last few years.This bloke ,the beggar, was just reacting to his circumstances. Have a bit of sympathy, you're lucky you're not as badly off.
I, too, Googled "tired of life" and came across this page. I'm surprised at how eloquently some folks here described *exactly* how I feel. Perhaps, however, I stand apart just a little because I'm not angry with the world and I know I have plenty to be thankful for. As I often lament to my ever-patient boyfriend, I'm just tired of putting in the effort. Does that make me lazy? Maybe. I can't help thinking--bear with me here--that if I were a neanderthal (whose average life span was 35 years), living in a hunter-gatherer world, pre-agriculture and pre-technology, I'd likely be dead by now. And I'd be fine with that.
I am another fellow googler. Has anyone ever heard the phrase 'you have to make your own happiness'? I have heard this phrase all of my life... and truly believed it for decades. I am sick and tired of trying to make my own happiness. What about all the people out there that are lucky enough to have happiness just fall in their laps? They luck into meeting a wonderful, faithful spouse, they win the stinkin lottery, they don't have in-law drama... what makes me so much lesser that I don't deserve those things?
I'm 26 and I feel that I'm growing tired of life as well. It's as if there's nothing else out there to live or fight for.. As if I've had all there is that life has to offer or throw at me. I'm neither suicidal nor 'fulfilled', but if life gives me death right now, I'd be more than happy to accept.
People I know say that I just need a new goal or a new reason, but it doesn't feel like that. I've tried a lot of things, new love, new hobbies, new job, etc., but I always end up at square one after a while.
Life has no answers, no explanation, no magical guidebook. We are left to build it all ourselves, our views, our beliefs, our goals. Our happiness. But what we build never stands long. No matter what we do we can't seem to make that feeling of "happiness" last any longer than the flicker of light from a falling star.
And so we are left with confusion, frustration. Struggle. And strangely enough, alone, even though it seems we all share the same fate.
17 here. Those out there with more life experience - Am I missing something or is this all life has to offer? Save for those few dreams, faint rays of hope that still keep me going?
Man, a lot of us seem to be feeling the same way...
It can be so sad to see everyone going through this hopelessness...including myself. I have no problems with an afterlife hope...it's easy to believe in a 'better' place, especially when I've met people who have been clinically dead, and claim to have been there...what is difficult is to believe that there is hope of a better present life...
From what it seems, maybe we just have to enjoy whatever little thing we can each day...I think I'll go outside and sit down, and look at the trees...makes me smile for a while at least...
Take care, all of you, and I hope for a better life for all of us...
Indeed , misery loves company.
I am so glad I googled "tired.."
Up until now I felt I am the only sober person among drunk crowds. I cannot believe there are others who do not consider life to be a prison sentence. If I was 95 such feelings would've been normal but I am 48 and am not supposed to denounce life.
i too googled "tired of life". for most of my life (44 years) i have been ambitious, tenacious, and i kept getting up after each knock down.
as of lately, i am losing my (whatever you want to call it)...drive...ambition...will?
i am tired. i dont' go to the gym. i dont exercise.
i am tired of using the word i.
well....its good to know that we are in this together. there is comfort in knowing these feelings are not mine.
maybe that thought will give us the will to keep going.
It is so sad that in a time in which people are more 'connected' than ever (cells, internet, myspace, etc.), so many people are feeling desperately alone. I have lots of people around me... great family, friends, coworkers... yet I am SO alone. I feel like I am completely STUCK in a life that I don't want. Like others here, I have made true efforts in making my own happiness, but it seems like even when I make gains other things fall apart. What are we doing wrong? Is happiness just not in the cards for people like us? Or have we made fatal errors that we can never undo? I wish I had someone to talk to that understands. I'm so sorry for all of the people that have found/will find this website. I hope that you will all find ways to fill your lives with people or things that bring you company and happiness.
We have one huge advantage: we are not scared of death. Normal people fall apart if diagnosed with a fatal desease, but we feel relieved, may be even jubilant .
try prescription painkillers like vicodin or percocet or better yet morphine or heroin.... you will not be so tired of life anymore
Thank you for advice about prescription painkillers. I'll do it in a couple of years . If only I could have support of my family.
Me too. I am tired of life and all the responsibilities that go with it, all the day to day motions you have to keep repeating over and over, the chores you do that are never finished because something gets dirty or people have to be fed again, you have to keep spending money you make and it never seems to last I am tired of the repetitive actions. It's a fight for me and I am getting tired of all the fighting. I know
I would be a lot worse if I had not found out I have clinical depression. Taking medication has
helped me endure life better, but I
am finding myself more and more just wanting to be done with my life and to call it quits. Death would be a relief. My mom's gone,
as long as she was alive, there was
someone I knew cared about me. Then my sister, my friend, passed away. My children are not kids anymore and they're not very good at doing kind things for me just to let me know they haven't forgotten me. A lot of relatives are gone and life isn't fun anymore. God seems far away or
too many things have demanded my attention over the years and I haven't juggled things in the best way. I feel drained. And wish
this life could all be as good as heaven is supposed to be.
FYI, I just nixed a comment where someone went into great detail about how you should all commit suicide.
Look. If you're contemplating suicide, don't try to figure out what to do by reading this blog (or any other). Talk to your friends, pastor, and if all else fails, call a suicide hotline. They take millions of dollars from our taxes, you might as well get your money's worth.
As for being tired of life as a cause to end it all - that's just stupid. It's like telling the SF 49ers that if they lose one game they should stop playing.
The truth is that life has its ups and downs. Let's not land on the dark side here.
Peace.
Dear Some Yahoo. For me the problem is not ups and downs. It is just not obvious to me why life is worth living. I feel that the "desire to live" program , that is imbedded into all living creatures' brains, is not running
in mine. If I had a choice between life and death I would not be able to justify chosing life. I feel like a 100 year old trapped in a healthy 50 year old body.
Not quite sure why you nixed my comment about suicide; you did not understand it. It was mostly about how NOT to kill yourself. Suicide is a very selfish thing, because it leaves the living to clean up the mess, both emotionally and physically. People think it's so romantic to jump off the Golden Gate bridge, but they selfishly don't think of the Coast Guard kids who will have to clean up their mess, and friends and family who will feel grief.
How do you think I found your blog? Like most people, I googled "tired of life." I'm not dead, last time I checked. I cross a lot of bridges without jumping.
If you're tired of life, stop thinking inward and start thinking outward. Help other people. Teach them to read. Fix their leaking roofs. Deliver meals to shut-ins. Maybe you won't feel so tired any more.
And before you go killing yourself, think of all of the people who will have to clean up your mess.
Is that better? Clear enough for you now?
(By the way, your football analogy sucks. If the 49ers lost every game they played for 20 years, maybe they should give it up. Lots of people have been tired of life for years--there are few or no ups. It's called severe clinical depression.)
even if 49s won every game , they might've just get tired of playing at some point . Will you call it clinical depression ?
I have helped many people as a volunteer; veterans, illiterate, terminally ill, seniors. And I get screwed by bastards and bitches. If GOD wants me to help his children, why does he let them screw me over as I'm doing it? I envy people who die, they are done with this crap.
The more I help people the more enemies I get. People request more and more favors, I end up pushing back and this becomes the end of our wonderful friendships.
Cannot wait to get a tumor. I will send an email to everyone I know announcing my expected departure and will attach the ultrasound image of my tumor. And guess what ? The reply will be "can you take care of my dogs this weekend and give me a ride to the airport ? ".
You play the game for many years by the rules and what happens at 63 your boss calls you in and says layoffs and you have to start over again. But what do you do if you do not want to start over again at 63.This is not the first time you have started over. Will it be the last? Who knows. I only know that I am tired at 63 and don't know if I want to start over.
Yes this could be a new start.A new beginning. Sell my home, travel till the money runs out. Then what? What do I leave my kids?
Would really like a smoke but quit a fews years ago. But, the feeling is still there. It never goes away. I quess like life, the feeling never goes away. You keep plugging along, But, I really don't want to this time. Want to do something else but what? Not suicide, still want life.But what?
What do I do at this age? I am by myself. Don't feel sad, I have been married, had loves thruout my life and kids but by choice I am by myself now. But, what do I do and where do I go? Don't want to end up under a bridge downtown. But, don't want to be in a big town any longer. Look for a small town? How do you get by, what about health insurance? You try to get out of the mainstream but you have to be part of it still.Don't want to be a charity case wherever I go. Need a job somewhere just to buy groceries. You have to make money somehow. So you continue to be part of the system. Cannot survive on social security alone. You have put so much into it during your life but only get a small part back. And now they say it may not be there at all in the future. Why not, you put the money in there, it should be there! But they have used your money for other things like war!And now the money is gone and they cannot afford to put it back. How much more would you have each month, if they had not used it for other things.
Again, what do I do and where do I go now?
Hello All . I too googled 'tired of life' and stumbled on this page. 33 yrs. I feel i have no reason to grumble about life. i have a lot of things to feel i have been blessed but i feel so fed up and tired with life. feel good that lots of others feel the same way too- atleast i am not alone. I think the main reason for being this way is cos we expect so much of life. and when we dont get it - we got so agitated and frustrated - we feel tires of life. then how to you stop expecting and wishing - after all we are humans arnt we? Hmm.. i AM tired of life !!!
I am almost 28 years old, and the first memory I have of "fitting in" is back in my third grade of elementary school. I have never felt that I belong, I hate my country, my ex classmates, corruption, how messed up everybody is, how mean and rude, how offensive, how fake all the people around me are. I have tried to change, to be less "sensitive", less emotional, less stupid, I even changed religions, my whole life, I moved to a new country, left my old friends and family, and here I am, struggling to survive, not one single friend or person I can call to say hi, I just feel this life is too much to take, like I am too weak...in my religion we are in this world to worship God, life is a test, who worships Him better, who will attain paradise....so I can't even wish for death, because if I die now I truly believe I will go to hell...because I am not even good at my religion...I have no choice, I am in like a prison, stuck in between, and I can't seem to have the streght to move back or forward..please help me. desert_4ever@yahoo.com
I guess I'm not alone here. I've had a rough couple years - in debt, no work, etc. After years of studying and a hundred thousand dollars in student loans, my college diploma isn't worth anything in this economy, it's depressing. Today was supposed to be a fresh start for me, but someone at the job training center messed up. When I got there they told me someone else took my spot. I was so excited the last few days, thinking a new leaf was finally turning for the better in my life. Then I left there feeling like someone had punched me in the gut. I want to know when this is all going to end. I feel helpless. Overall my life has been terrible. I've suffered mental, physical and sexual abuse since childhood. While I never let this interfere with my living a good adult life, sometimes I can't understand why it happened to me, I was always such a happy and good person even as an innocent child. During/after my college years, I did have 1 or 2 good years in my life, but that was it. I've been tested my whole life, I wish I knew why things have always had to be so hard for me. Nothing I do ever works out anymore. It's one failure after another. The deeper I sink, the more embarassed I am. This is causing me to lose friends because I just can't keep up with them anymore. I'm tired of living now. I would never hurt myself. But I want to know why is this happening to me (and all of you)? We may never know the reasons, until our Judgement Day. I just hope someone remembers the good I've done in my life, and all the people I helped when I was able to. How times have change, now I'm the one in need and there's no one around. God help and bless us all.
19, and already tired of life... nothing to fight for, lack of strenght, no hope,
the future seems terribly grey.
i wish i could do something!
but i am a realistic girl... unfortunately.
Interesting post. No, life is not futile but we seem to have a habit of making it so. I'm tired of life and googled for it, not tired of life willing to end it, just deeply tired about maintaining it. At the end of every day, I feel so burnt out, I don't have the energy to enjoy time with my family or time with my own mind, I work 14 hours a day, every day, staring at two screens coding away - pointless apart from the need to clear debts that are always chasing my heels with the ever closing end result of forcing my family of five away from our home.
Yes, I do feel 'what's the point' but life is all about choice. You may as I do always feel that no one understands; we were 2 weeks away from bankruptcy once - no one really understood that, funny really, I felt that I was in the middle of a circle surrounded by friends, family and colleagues, all looking on in different levels of concern: some upset, some upset but unable (but wishing they could) to help, some 'I told you so', some indifferent and some waiting in the wings for any spoils - bizarre. People will always fail to understand you, that's it their nature - I'm probably guilty of the same. Life's all about expectations I guess, set your targets low and be happy with reaching them and you will be happy (maybe) - tricky isn't it. I've never felt like killing myself - feel it would be an enormous waste of my existence to just snuff it out although I have at times felt that if I did not happen to wake up, it wouldn't be a train smash - but I have always rejected this attitude in the cold light of day. I suppose my biggest annoyance with life is that we are meaning less to each other - my immediate family are extremely important, friends are important but they are becoming less important - why are we friends? Having trouble with this one lately - still, life is full of challenges - some make you angry having to deal with them, others you can blitz through. It could always be worse and ending it all will always be a poor second place. Still, what do I know, my life's not yours, I'll never be in your shoes and you will never be in mine, I wonder which one of us will enjoy our life more..
I am glad I googled my way unto this blog. I am sick of feeling so alone and alien to this life I am living.
I can't say my life is a disappointment but I really feel that I have enough. I am tired of playing the good daughter, sister, wife, friend, etc. I am tired of thinking about how to be!
I too used to be able to find comfort in little things like food, music, blue skies but they are no longer enough to sustain me. Even the nightly dreams that used to be my escape have now conformed to life. They are now merely repetitions of my sad daily activities.
I often ask myself, even during my happiest moments, if I could NOT look back should death come and take my hands. I find that the answer is always yes.
Wow... i googled "tired of life" and it brought me here. At 47, single father of 3 sons - I am tired of the drudgery that life has become. I look forward to coming home and being with the kids. The crap we put ourselves through to make ends meet is sad. Never enough money. Never enough time. A jobs that pay OK that make me sick to my stomachs when I think about it, but with three kids to raise, one does what is required to get by. I just want to get in my car, with my kids, and move away. drop out. Not very fair to the kids, i know. I don't recall my parents every telling me that life would be so repetitive. Dam! I wanted to be an artist, I studied art, I was good, now I do my job, have NO loyalty for my employer, as they have shown none toward me. I think, when did I loose the balls to do art? When did I loose what ever vision I had of my life? Why did things turn out the way the did? I am divorced. The kid's mom is still around, we get along fine now, I don't miss being married, alto I do miss the camaraderie we had. Its been 9 year now I think since the breakup. I loved my wife! I didnt love my self, and that was the demise of our relationship, since then I have tried dating again. I don't get woman. I never will. No use for them now. Sex was never that good anyway! God. I have become so hopeless. I see no future where I am, but I see no way out, I think money would be the answer but I know that is not correct. It would take care of my immediate needs. I want to make someone proud of me, but there is no one left. I want to feel that “love” that I see in the movies, you know, when they are really in love. I have an older brother that is in love with his wife. They have been married for 25 years and are still sappy, makes me sick when they are like that at family gatherings. I pray to the energy that holds us all together for a sign, for a reason, for a signal, a clue, why here? what now? I hope all that read this blog understand that I am not mad about my life, it is what it is... I just know I never signed up for this.... take care all
I feel the same way.
I'm only 17 and I don't know what I'm living for anymore. It just seems like a marathon of endurance so far.
I can't even hope for it to get better really. I've met people who've always hoped for something more and they all grew tired of life too.
I don't want the typical life as I grow older, husband and kids and career deal, but what else is there? Probably the thing that makes this all even worse is that society conditions you to want those things. I don't and I just feel more and more detached and alone because of it.
I've felt like this before, but those days I still had the energy to fight the terrible greyness. I had a different mindset then - I was quicker to anger, more talkative, felt like I was living close to life. But now I get older and I realize anger has no value, disrespecting other people will never make you feel better, and yet showing compassion never seems to get me much of anywhere either.
And so I am tired of life and tired of people. I was painfully lonely these last months until I realized I wouldn't want to be spending time with most of the people I could anyway. And so I most contented, if you could call it that, when I am alone now. The only thing that ever made it better was drugs and alcohol, but I don't do that anymore because there is the very small part of me that hopes someday it will get better.
I am tired, duh! But the paradox is...
Hell, I am replying right now.
So, I must not be 'that' tired. But, I am...
Prologue:
Maybe I am just nuts (less peanuts these days)
So very cryptic (you think?), that is how I describe my nuttiness... It keeps me from seeing the reality of my life.
Seriously though: My response (To this topic) is a 'knee jerk' reaction to a 'Google search' about life. Duh! (Duh as in, I am stupid).
My ego must live on...
Want to tell the whole story, just don't want to put effort into typing it. It's all pretty much the same. Tired of people and their bullshit. Want to be alone on some island where there are no other people. One question: If there are so many who feel the same, why can't we do something about it?
What can we do about it? Start community of people who are tired of other people ? Actually i would love to get together in person and share our sad life stories over glass of ???. My email is iyershov@gmail.com
I'm 50 years old, and I feel 100. I have a wonderful wife and two fantastic little girls, but in my heart I feel so .... well, tired is the only way to say it, I guess. Tired of my droning, useless existence. I've worked 20 years for the same company, and every day is a mind-numbingly boring experience. Will it ever get better? I feel as if I am hanging by a thread. I did try suicide about 8 years ago, and I can tell you it is not the way to go. But how do we find the happiness?
I am 60 years old and have been working since the age of 15. I am in my second marriage of 20 plus years to a totally useless, non functional woman. No holding, no kissing, no intimacy...
My grown children seldom, if ever communicate with me. I am tired of the constant fight to provide, contribute, and pay those BILLS!
I am ready to call it quits!
20 year old male here... it has always been a dream of mine to hibernate, wake up in a few years or a few decades when things are better. I realize more and more though that life doesn't get better with time, it just continues as an interminable nightmare.
I never got to experience positive aspects of life; I was overweight up through high school and painfully aware of it making me less than human. I have no self esteem, am severely introverted (intj) and devoid of emotion (unless shame is an emotion), making my chance for acceptance in society very slim. More and more responsibility is given to me, and I want none of it. I just want to stay out of everyone's way and wait to die, but I keep getting dragged out by societal obligations to support myself (school, work, etc.). I feel unable to don the vapid persona necessary to 'succeed' in life, so there is no help for me. It seems like at best you become a barely living robot; at worst you falsify yourself to a degree that you lose your soul. In either case you end up as a broken, forgotten piece of societal machinery.
In short, I've been tired of living for the majority of my life. It pains me to think that I may have decades ahead of me still.
I too, have found this site by typing in "tired of life" on google.
3 more years of university to go, and I don't know if I'll make it.
I thought about volunteering in different parts of the world this summer, maybe it'll give me a different outlook on things.
And here's a movie called "Last Life in the Universe"(I watched all the parts on youtube) for those who are interested...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn0Di64SHPA
To the university student: Yes! Do it! Volunteer, travel... have adventure while you can. I know it sounds cliche, but do it while you can. I'm the 50-year-old from two posts up. Once you're older and held fast into a lifestyle and a pattern you cannot escape, your chance for doing things out of the ordinary becomes slim. You don't have to finish college in 4 years. I took 5 and a half, and I wish I'd taken longer. Don't rush to jump into the working world. It's not that great, believe me.
I dropped out of society and stayed home raising my sons for ten years. I became a kid again myself and enjoyed a second childhood. I was like peter pan living in a kid`s world. A few months back my wife kicked me out, essentially taking away everything. Now I am wondering what to do next. My youngest son misses me terribly. We were best friends.
Reading this blog has made me feel so much better. Also feeling so tired of life and at 30 really wishing that i could end this shit in a second.
But the reality is that life has been quite fair to me , i have been educated up to masters degree. 8 years ago i choose a dream career but now in the job it is as boring as hell and worse part is my employers say im too quiet and not too bright.
Im not yet married, no girlfriend and i should be having the time of my life but im not.
But reading this blog makes me know im not alone and its just a perfectly normal human feeling.
So im going to go out there and live as if today is my last day.
Cheers
Aaa, well. Life. Don't worry about it too much. It will take care of you, eventually. One way only though, not the other.
Basicly I need some war to fulfil my destiny. Can take the bullet for some brainless fucktard as long as he/she has some life in him/her. But the wars these days, meh. But you get the idea. Mayby I am just build berserk, to fight for something, or mayby I just made it up in my mind. Dosent really matter, I'm bored to death anyway at the moment.
Back in the day of caves, claws an teeth it would make some sence, not so much these days. Kinda useless.
Not saying you might be like this too but if it brings some comfort to anyone you surely are welcome to it.
Just FYI guys, let's try to keep the comments family-friendly as much as possible.
If you can't make your point without the foul language then please don't.
There are young and Christian readers here.
Thank you.
So tired. Been skipping work for almost two weeks now without notice - don't know if I still have my job. I just feel so tired. I've lost heart in everything I've been doing for the last couple of years.
Don't know what to do in this life anymore.
Are these the descendants of the pilgrim fathers talking? Citizens of the great USA? I tapped 'tired of life' on google hoping to read about the experiences of other immigrants because i was at my wits end. Separated from family for many years because of stupid immigrant laws. Found myself in another foreign land (not US)with no job, no family and a new language and culture to cope with. Adapt to harsh winters for the first time, find a job, get an education and do odd jobs despite my degree(how about washing toilets with a bachelors degree because black africans are not supposed to be good at anything else?
Tired of the drudge? Ofcause i am. Do i hate these (white) community? Not at all. I'm just constantly surprised at how much misery the so called 'developed nations' hide. Loneliness and depression are feelings i discovered in these parts. And materialisme, cut-throat competition, pain killers, diet pills, divorce... the foreign office department 'forgot' to explain to me these 'civilised' terms.
I do not pretend to have the answers. But i know how i have survived so far. I talk to my family over the phone. 30 minutes each month just to hear their voices(the bills are prohibitive). I enjoy talking to my co-workers and anybody on the subway who is interested in talking. I take very long walks. I avoid negative company and preconceived ideas like jews are thieves, muslims are terrorists and the current pope is joker. I respect all humanity but have a special compassion for the drug addicts, the beggars, the older generation and victims of any form of discrimination. I believe that the majority of these people have their own special story to tell.
So dear american, if you still have thoughts of giving up, i seriously advise you to visit some remote village in Africa (an alternative to the tourist circuit). ask them the last time they ate beef or saw a dentist. Better still, do they have a retirement plan? And for heaven's sake why are they not clinically depressed?
Male in late 40s.
I never thought it would come to this. I enjoyed life in so many ways: my family, my hobbies, my church, my friendships, even humanitarian work. I have a Masters degree but I feel like I am useless. I rather like the title, "mid-life crisis" because it implies an end, but the feelings have been growing deeper over the last decade. God, if he exists, is deathly silent. Bed time thoughts include, "at least I made it through the day." Morning is miserable, "Why do I have to face another day?"
I keep looking for a new love (not a new wife -- she's good), a new interest, something to excite the imagination. If I could settle on a new passion, perhaps it could distract me for a decade or so. I've read books on discovering your passion, or on listening to your life purpose and it all falls rather flat. A few ideals remain, but little passion.
I have enough money and the thought of living merely to make more is dreary. People don't make me angry as a whole. Some are great, many average and a few are jerks. I wouldn't put a gun to my head out of consideration for many fine people who do indeed love me.
This column has captured the essence of the feeling really well, but solutions have been wanting. An affair or drugs are only temporary distractions and plain stupid. Vacations and even thoughts of retirement are empty.
Yet I believe most of us want some hope, not just shared misery. I've lived long enough to know that self-pity is probably the most damaging of cycles to spiral into.
Here are a few links that seem to hold a spark or two of assistance.
http://www.cabezalab.org/pdf/Cohen06_MidlifCrisis_Newsweek.pdf
http://www.findingyoursmile.com/default.aspx?p=mystory
http://usm.maine.edu/~atkinson/midlife.htm
http://www.lifespy.com/2007/how-to-overcome-boredom/
Seems one of the keys to change is always being able to answer this question in the affirmative, "Do I want to change?" If the answer is "yes" and we're persistent enough to be open to working at new things, I guess I'm optimistic enough to believe that at some point down the road I'll be able to look back on this period as a learning experience which resulted in some better choices and situations. Here's hoping, anyway.
Best quote:
"The task of midlife,is not to look into the light, but to bring light into the darkness." Carl Jung
ohhhhhhhh. i just feel like i want to scream... just one good time, really loud... so hard i would just have to fall down and cry afterward. sad thing is i can't even get away from my life long enough to do that much. i have thought for months about a place i could go and scream, and there is nowhere and no time. i feel stuck. i have so much to be thankful for but i can't convince myself to enjoy any of it. great house, great job, lots of education, a child who is the most wonderful creature on earth... what is wrong with me? with us? it doesn't make me feel better to know there are so many people out there feeling mad and confused, but it really was nice to find this website and read everyone's postings and forget about the pile of things i should be doing instead. i've really been thinking about getting saved and giving my life to christ but i feel like i have messed up everything i could have cherished in this life and i would only mess that up too. even though i have lots of people around, i feel so lonely. no one knows i cry myself to sleep every night. i just want peace and satisfaction instead of frustration and anxiety. counseling and self-help books have only made me come to the realization that if things are going to be different it is all on my shoulders to make them different. its weird - its like all i have to do is decide i want to make some changes and have a good life - but i can't do it. its too much pressure or something. we all have to find a way to take charge of our lives. best of luck to each and every person that finds this site. i hope your empty feeling is filled with love and treasure and memorable moments. keep trying.
What would be the point of going to school if they only taught you things you already know. How much fun would a quiz be if they told you the answer before the question. Why bother!
Life is the reason.
Turn this feeling into a positive.
Ok, so you are fed up of life and would be happy to die. In that case use it, challenge it, because if this is true then you have nothing to lose, therefore no fear.
Do something that you are scared of, face that fear - if you are scared of heights - climb a mountain - why not - you are not afraid to die so why be afraid anymore.
If you are shy, become an actor, sing on stage, in the street, be heard even if you are hated. Better than being invisible.
Stay out all weekend, town or country, dont eat, get cold feel tired. How good will your old boring life feel when you endure a little suffering.
Learn something new, create something, write, carve, cook it does not matter. Start a club for all the depressed and bored people. Look at your skills and come up with some ideas for a project you can all work on. Start a website you can all contribute to. FIND A PASSION.
Good Luck!
James x
Part of my problems really started around 4 yrs old when I started going to day cares and schools. My mom told me I was the happiest kid ever until I started school. I had to go to school with other messed up people's messed up kids under the supervision of messed up teachers, facilitators, or whatever you want to call them.
I only remember the times when I started having troubles and not feeling like I should which is (healthy). All I mostly remember growing up is all the fights, trouble, time-out, and overuse of the 'whoopings' and cussing I had to endure. My dad worked all the time and spent little time with me growing up. Didnt even teach me about women and females when I reached high school.
That led into my self-esteem not being very high to begin with. Once I started getting older it only got worse. Everybody else was seemingly in better emotional health except for the few I had to get into it with. My self-esteem was essentially trashed when I got older (19yrs old-27yrs present day) and I still struggled to be a "normal" person for a while until I realized it was just an illusion that people can see through. That introduced its own problems that we all know of when you try to act as something other than yourself.
I even went so far as to go to the military which I lived through somehow. That didnt really give me a boost or a much better outlook on life overall but I was exposed to many things that people four times older than me will never experience. So I have some bragging rights over that (I enjoy bragging when I can).
My parents/most parents try to build you up to welcome adult life with open arms, hugs, and kisses all the while things like "Life is hard" and "Life is not fair" type bullsh-t is also being taught. So you grow up to anticipate being on your own and making things how you think they should be for YOURSELF all along you have complete and total chaos going on. You accomplish something big and you're not as satisfied as anticipated for whatever reasons. I didnt think it was as big of a deal when I was younger because I was too stupid to understand what I was really feeling let alone communicate it. The more things I tried doing (only things I was comfortable with...I usually never step out of my comfort zone for ANYONE or ANYTHING) the less satisfaction I felt even though I continued to improve. This can be said for school (in college Aviation maintenance) and social life (which is almost non-existant because I am kind of weird and feel awkward in social settings). I got a 4.0 last semester and it made classmates upset because of my test scores. The curve is not as large with me. I was in flight school but had some anxiety issues towards the end of instrument training.
I just get tired of doing the same things every day. Almost nothing is enjoyable. The bars are not fun, people think I am weird, and women show no love. I gave up on dating and the bar scene but am at my witt's end with everything else right now. Minnimal desires are felt or expressed. Mostly just frustrations with how my parents caused me to anticipate "Being a grown-up will make everything better" and how I feel inept at things that could make life somewhat easier. If the only way I can feel something is with drugs, dangerous activities, and making other people feel my pain then I am sure to die a young death alone. I dont know what to do anymore. The only people I trust are unable to help me for various reasons and counseling felt like (punishment) when I was younger because I made trouble in school and home. I dont like spilling extremely personal things to strangers or non-family members.
I have little motivation to do anything other than get up, shower, sometimes eat, go to school, and make straight A's. I dont even want to enjoy myself anymore because it takes lots of effort for a very short-lived sensation of reward. I'm giving it a few more months to see "what happens".
hi its me again Acenhon,I wrote a message last May 11 2008,and now I'm here again to share my situation and feelings.Right now I'm DONE of my work as a Full time volunteer.well its been 5 years of volunteering work,helping people and trying to make this World a BETTER PLACE but it end up that I'm all alone.I don't know what to do right now.I cant go back in helping others because I already used all my resources as a matter of fact I need more help than those I used to helped. right now I'm very sad because after those years of sacrifices and helping I am now in the same situation of those people that i been helping,alone and needed helped and nobody is helping me.I want to work and been trying to apply to companies but my credential as a volunteer is worthless to them.Now I'm just evaluating my life.I'm still young but having hard time to have life.I have a girlfriend and she is very nice but in my condition I cannot start a family or settle down as I said in my first post I used all my resources and now i need to work but no one wants to hire me..I am tired of living like these..I hope I will come across a opportunity that will help me to have a life again,.I want to do so much but i don't have the resources and opportunity to do it.I don't know what to do..
Some Yahoo said "let's try to keep the comments family-friendly as much as possible.
If you can't make your point without the foul language then please don't.
There are young and Christian readers here."
Are you serious? You are the one who ignited this complaint session with you being "tired of life"
,but now you are playing devil's advocate for doing good and blaming others?--when they're only falling in with the same line of thought which you set in your original post. Seems sort of hypocritical to play it both ways.
Well I agree totally with keeping the language friendly. So many people need to find a place to vent and it feels good - in a way -to know that others share the same feelings. Reading the comments has made me feel like less of a freak because I am so miserable. I wish I could find a way to like my life and all the things/people in it... but anger, resentment, frustration, and insecurity seem to rule every single day. I want to feel peace. I don't want to feel a lump in my throat. I don't want to be on the verge of tears so often. I just want to feel good. It seems like everyone gets a chance to feel good sometimes - I want the strength to find what makes me feel good. I've stopped praying. Someone told me God doesn't hear your prayers until you're saved. I think I'm completely alone.
I'm tired of life. I've made some poor choices. I've also had to deal with things beyond my control. I just hope there is a better existance after life as we know it. Or nothingness... as opposed to eternal punishment dished out from a vengeful God. But hey, that's another story.
Another googler. Startled relieved saddened by the comments that reflect so much of how I feel. The underlying sense of boredom, ennui - it's a feeling that's always been there for me. I don't feel depressed, more about a feeling of abject despondency. As if somehow my consciousness was awakened to the true mundanity of life - yet most others remained plugged into the matrix - consume, work, be grateful... This cannot be it. Surely.
But it's so hard. I already feel my soul is near depletion. It takes so much energy to continue to walk the path of expectancy when all I wish is to pass away. I wasn't meant for this world, this time - maybe no time.
I think the real me disappeared with those daisy-chain days of youth when life was sugar-coated and the future limitless. In the present my soul is left skeletal stripped bare - running on empty.
I don't remember when I was last happy. It's so hard to know what to do. I could never put my family through the pain of suicide - yet I feel it will happen.
'Despondent_with_a_hint_of_hope': Thank you
I found this site using [url=http://google.com]google.com[/url] And i want to thank you for your work. You have done really very good site. Great work, great site! Thank you!
Sorry for offtopic
It's been about seven months since the last comment. Is life better? Definitely. I changed jobs and got on a new learning curve. Even though it pays about 60% of the former, I like it twice as well, so overall, that puts me ahead in "life points."
Sure, there's a sense of meaningless about it all still, but it's not as overpowering. I'm starting up a former hobby, planning a cruise, writing more, and being as real as I can with people, whether it bothers them or not. The light at the end of the tunnel is visible.
Hey you fellow strugglers, I came across a really good quote page. Maybe one in a hundred will grab you on a given day, but it's worth a meditation or maybe a spark.
http://www.three-peaks.net/quotes04.htm
Give up if you like, but maybe you're made of something better.
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