Dec 18, 2009
New Reasons to Despise Humanity
I sit here alone in my office all day, trying to either work, get more work, or wrestle with Quickbooks to record my meager successes. In general, I have a rosy disposition about humanity, but this last week my trust and faith (in my fellow man) has been slugged away at like a rock star's mistress.
Free
weasel: Hi, sir, I just want to verify your business info for our free Internet business listing.
me: No, you're trying to sell me something.
weasel: No, this is absolutely free, there is nothing to buy, I just want to verify your address, phone, and website so you can get your listing in our directory.
***verification ensues***
weasel: ok, let me just get some things recorded for our records. Are you the person at your company who authorizes purchases?
me: I'm not buying anything. I didn't order anything. I am not authorizing any contracts or payments.
weasel: oh now this is free, we'll update you and get you going on your 14 day free trial today!
me: and after the 14 days, I do NOT want any services, contracts, or bills from you. And I DON'T want to have to call some magic phone number to cancel anything. If I want your services, I want to have to initiate the deal myself.
weasel: Oh, that will be easy... all you have to do is when you see our service tacked onto your phone bill, you can call us and cancel.
me: I did NOT order that, I do NOT want that, and I am NOT authorizing that.
*click*
---
Cancel Anytime
shark: Hi, we are a telecommunications company, calling about your account with us.
me: I don't have an account with you.
shark: Sure you do. it's in our system.
me: No I have never heard of you. You have never contacted me, and I have never started an account with you.
shark: So would you like to cancel?
me: There is nothing to cancel.
shark:There is a $460 cancellation charge.
me: No there isn't. There is no account. Goodbye.
*click*
Pens
Desperate Slave Worker: Hi, you remember we talked a few months back about buying promotional custom imprinted pens for your business? (we had talked about laser LED flashlights, but what the hell) Well I have a stock overage (same story as the flashlights) and I have to blow them all out of here by tonight (if this is true, they need better inventory management, maybe I can make them some software for that). I'll pay for the imprinting, and sell them to you for just cost plus shipping.
me: Dude. I'm struggling to keep the lights on here.
*click*
Poor Kids that Need to Go to Hawaii, or
Sick Mothers, or
Abandoned Puppies
...we join the conversations in progress...
Scammer: You truly mean you can't spare $25 to help? You can't spare the price of one lunch? (I usually eat for $5 to $7) I have met a lot of small people, but...
When I started my business, I had this idea that people would be calling my phone number to ask things like, Can you make a web site for my small business? Something is terribly awry here. I know that most of you are not like this, and I am am really not down on us as a species, but I could use a break here. And 9 or ten new website contracts.
Free
weasel: Hi, sir, I just want to verify your business info for our free Internet business listing.
me: No, you're trying to sell me something.
weasel: No, this is absolutely free, there is nothing to buy, I just want to verify your address, phone, and website so you can get your listing in our directory.
***verification ensues***
weasel: ok, let me just get some things recorded for our records. Are you the person at your company who authorizes purchases?
me: I'm not buying anything. I didn't order anything. I am not authorizing any contracts or payments.
weasel: oh now this is free, we'll update you and get you going on your 14 day free trial today!
me: and after the 14 days, I do NOT want any services, contracts, or bills from you. And I DON'T want to have to call some magic phone number to cancel anything. If I want your services, I want to have to initiate the deal myself.
weasel: Oh, that will be easy... all you have to do is when you see our service tacked onto your phone bill, you can call us and cancel.
me: I did NOT order that, I do NOT want that, and I am NOT authorizing that.
*click*
---
Cancel Anytime
shark: Hi, we are a telecommunications company, calling about your account with us.
me: I don't have an account with you.
shark: Sure you do. it's in our system.
me: No I have never heard of you. You have never contacted me, and I have never started an account with you.
shark: So would you like to cancel?
me: There is nothing to cancel.
shark:There is a $460 cancellation charge.
me: No there isn't. There is no account. Goodbye.
*click*
Pens
Desperate Slave Worker: Hi, you remember we talked a few months back about buying promotional custom imprinted pens for your business? (we had talked about laser LED flashlights, but what the hell) Well I have a stock overage (same story as the flashlights) and I have to blow them all out of here by tonight (if this is true, they need better inventory management, maybe I can make them some software for that). I'll pay for the imprinting, and sell them to you for just cost plus shipping.
me: Dude. I'm struggling to keep the lights on here.
*click*
Poor Kids that Need to Go to Hawaii, or
Sick Mothers, or
Abandoned Puppies
...we join the conversations in progress...
Scammer: You truly mean you can't spare $25 to help
Dec 6, 2009
Climate Change Deniers
Climate change deniers?
Trying to liken people who doubt this hoax to what... Nazis who deny the holocaust? That's rich. No really.
When we were kids we were told that there was a new ice age coming and we should all abandon our polluting ways because the pollution was blocking out the sun and cooling the world.
10 years ago Al “in invented the internet and was the archetype for ‘love story’” Gore (noted scientist) convinced a bunch of Oprah-consumers that we have global “warming” and we must shut down modern civilization (same solution to the opposite problem) in order to save the planet from 1/100th of a degree increase in global temperature per decade of increase.
The problem was that we couldn’t really measure the “global” temperature, so we put up a bunch of satellites. Guess what they found. The Earth has been cooling over the last ten years.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/opinion/climate-facts-to-warm-to/story-e6frg7ko-1111115855185
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/facts-debunk-global-warming-alarmism/story-e6frg746-1111118607086
I love this article: http://mediamatters.org/research/200903300035 . damn the evidence, we have “consensus” that there is global warming. Like the TRUTH cares what a bunch of people voted in an internet poll.
Now, of course they are covering their bets by re-branding “Global Warming” as “Climate Change(tm)”. So whichever way it goes, they can give us the same old “give up your cars, turn off your heat and A/C, and shiver in caves” solution to all our ills.
Personally I’m cold. I think I’ll go crank up the SUV and take a drive.
Trying to liken people who doubt this hoax to what... Nazis who deny the holocaust? That's rich. No really.
When we were kids we were told that there was a new ice age coming and we should all abandon our polluting ways because the pollution was blocking out the sun and cooling the world.
10 years ago Al “in invented the internet and was the archetype for ‘love story’” Gore (noted scientist) convinced a bunch of Oprah-consumers that we have global “warming” and we must shut down modern civilization (same solution to the opposite problem) in order to save the planet from 1/100th of a degree increase in global temperature per decade of increase.
The problem was that we couldn’t really measure the “global” temperature, so we put up a bunch of satellites. Guess what they found. The Earth has been cooling over the last ten years.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/opinion/climate-facts-to-warm-to/story-e6frg7ko-1111115855185
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/facts-debunk-global-warming-alarmism/story-e6frg746-1111118607086
I love this article: http://mediamatters.org/research/200903300035 . damn the evidence, we have “consensus” that there is global warming. Like the TRUTH cares what a bunch of people voted in an internet poll.
Now, of course they are covering their bets by re-branding “Global Warming” as “Climate Change(tm)”. So whichever way it goes, they can give us the same old “give up your cars, turn off your heat and A/C, and shiver in caves” solution to all our ills.
Personally I’m cold. I think I’ll go crank up the SUV and take a drive.
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